One More Time

For closure I want to write about you one last time. You have taught me so much, and I'm thankful for the past three years that we've had, but I'm not going for a fourth year, because I won't be able to handle it.
I remember the night we stayed up talking until 3 in the morning, and I felt so safe, so secure. It was such a good feeling, and I hadn't felt it very much in my life before you.  Thanks for that.
I remember that night as we sped through the canyon with our friends, sitting close to you, nearly leaning into you.  I remember all of us were screaming Taylor Swift at the top of our lungs, except for you, you were laughing.
I remember driving faster than I ever had before, for one last chance to see you.
I remember story time, and how much fun that was. How when you could tell it was a bad day, you would prop open Grimm's Fairy Tales and read them to me.
I remember that we had each others backs.


But it ended.  Maybe I wanted more than you could give me.  Maybe you finally sensed it, and decided to leave me high and dry.
Whatever it was, I remember so much hurt.
I remember you trying to fix me, trying to change me in really cruel ways. I remember your judgment, and your condescension. I remember hearing you talk about me behind my back. I remember your hypocrisy, the way you always would get mad at me for talking about people, unless you wanted the details I knew.  I remember your selfishness.  I remember the nights I waited up for you to come home.  But it's all over.


I'm not in pain anymore.  That's the truly miraculous part of this. I had envisioned us as a team forever, and now I can't even see us as a team anymore. We're two individuals, who are happier this way.  And I think that's the best part of all of this. I don't need you, and you don't need me. But more than that, I don't love you, and I don't choose you.